Coming out of the Closet
by nocturnalMusings
Summary: Gaara, Sakura, and Sasuke have been way too quiet for way too long, so Naruto gets a brilliant idea: Lock the three in a closet, and leave them there for a few days! Caution: Crack, OOC, and OC abound!
1. SNAKE!

Story attack!!! lol, I kid. I'm listening to Best Friends by Toybox on a continuous loop, so I'm content. I've been taking Naruto personality quizzes and compatability tests for Naruto characters, and I got Gaara like fifteen times out of seventeen! Crazy that I'm a part of Chaosshipping (PandaGaara pairing), and I get that result, ne?

Insert Generic Disclaimer No. 666: ASK ME IF I OWN IT AGAIN, AND YOU ALL DIE A PAINFUL DEATH...lol, kidding!

* * *

It happened in a blur: one moment, Sasuke, Sakura, and Gaara were walking down the hall; next minute, they were locked in a closet. Needless to say, the three were gone from being calm and collected to rabid and homicidal. 

"GODDAMMIT! WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!" Sakura shouted.

Gaara was pissed. "I swear, when I get my hands on whoever did this, I'M GOING TO..."

"SILENCE!"

Everything stopped. Sasuke had his arms thrown wide and hands palms out, face the very look of serious.

"What's that noise?"

Gaara and Sakura grew silent. All you could hear was the sound of the three breathing. Then they heard it: a slight hissing noise sounded like a gunshot in the dead silence.

"Gaara, please tell me that's your sand making that noise..." Sakura said, a tinge of fear in her voice. Gaara was puzzled: why on earth would she be scared?

"Gaara, please answer the quesion..." Okay, WTF?! Now SASUKE was scared?! What's going ON?! Those were the words running through Gaara's mind.

"No...My sand's in the gourd..."

Sasuke's face contorted in fear and looked into the darkest corner, and lo and behold, there it was: A tiny little insignifigant snake.

"SNAKE! SNAKE! GETITAWAYGETITAWAYGETITAWAY!!!!!"

"GAARA! FOR GOD'S SAKE HOLD HIM DOWN!"

Gaara was now thouroughly confused. "Why are you..."

"AUGH! THE IDIOT KICKED ME!! JUST DO IT!!!"

Gaara pinned Sasuke to the wall while Sakura pulled out a syringe and a small glass bottle. She filled the syringe, stuck it in his neck, and once it was empty she disposed of it in a biohazard disposal bag. Sasuke stiffened, and immediately calmed down.

"Sakura," asked Gaara, "what did you inject him with?"

"I injected him with a sedative. He has 'episodes' from time to time."

"'Episodes'?"

"Yeah, we think it has something to do with Orochimaru."

Silence followed, long and awkward.

"We should think of a way out of here," Gaara remarked quickly.

"Oh yes..." Sakura said casually.

* * *

"Heh...best idea I ever came up with..." 

"Naruto, are you sure this'll make them a little less cold to one another?"

"Sure, Tsunade-baa-chan! I'm actually hoping Sakura ends up with one of them!"

"What happened to the crush you had on her?"

"Hinata happened."

"Ahh..."

* * *

Well, like it? Don't like it?

I wanted to write a story lke this for a long time. I never found time to, tho. So read and review, plz!


	2. I Know a Song

HI! I'm so happy to see 17 reviews in the first chapter! I have 21 reviews for my story Before He Cheats, and 17 for The Masque of Red Death. Thank you all!

Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto. It would be hilarious if I did, but I don't. Damn.

* * *

It was now about an hour since they'd been locked in the closet, and so far Sasuke was passed out in the corner, Sakura was pacing angrily, and Gaara was sitting on the floor with his back to the door, crossing his arms and whistling an incoherent tune out of sheer boredom. As the whistling progressed, Sakura grew more and more irritated, finally whrling around and blowing up at the red-headed Sand-nin.

"WILL YOU STOP THAT?! YOU'RE DRIVING ME NUTS!!! SHUT UP!"

Gaara stopped, and Sakura turned around and resumed pacing. The panda-boy's face then cracked into and evil grin.

"I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES..."

The super-strong kunoichi became enraged. With a feral growl, she pounced upon the poor, unsuspecting Kazekage.

* * *

"Mmph..." Sasuke was coming to. With a yawn and a stretch, he began to wake up. "Hey guys..." he said, scratching his scalp, "How long was I..."

He stopped. A curious sight met his bleary eyes: Sakura with her gloved hands around Gaara's neck, squeezing the air out of him.

"Am I interrupting something?"

Gaara shook his oxygen-starved head in the negative as Sakura continued to squeeze her hands tighter and tighter.

* * *

"Do you have a five?"

"Ha! Go fish, baa-chan!"

Tsunade threw down the playing cards in disgust. "I'm sick of this! How long before we let them out?!"

"About two days." Naruto checked his watch. "I don't know about them, but I'm starving. Let's go get ramen!"

"I agree."

As the Sannin and the Kyuubi vessel walked away from the desk, a five fluttered out of Naruto's pocket.

* * *

REVIEW!

Gaara: You don't have to ask, they'll review just to see me squirm.

Me: But I NEED reviews! I need them or I'll EXPLODE! I do that sometimes...


	3. Hairpin?

w00t! I have almost forty reviews!!!!! That has never happened to me before! THNX!

Disclaimer: Do I HAVE to?!

Gaara: YES! JUST GET IT OVER WITH!!!

Me: Fine...I...I don't...

Gaara: Yes?

Me: I DON'T OWN THIS SHOW! HAPPY?!

Gaara: Thank you God for that!

Me: (sniffles) You're mean, you know that?

* * *

"Three hours...we've been in here for THREE HOURS..."

Sakura started banging her head against the wall, while Gaara gasped for air even though Sakura had let go of his neck about two hours ago. Sasuke was sitting on the floor playing with a black string he'd pulled off his shirt. He began wrapping it around his finger, tighter and tighter until the tip turned a lovely shade of puce. He then began poking it against his leg, watching it turn deathly white and back to puce. Gaara watched this process in horrifyed facination, while Sakura began wrestling with the doorknob. Finally becoming annoyed with the rattling of the doorknob, Gaara grasped Sakura by the shoulders, and shook. Hard.

"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, CAN'T YOU FIGURE OUT A WAY TO GET US OUT INSTEAD OF DOING SOMETHING AS POINTLESS AS RATTLING THE DOORKNOB?!"

Sasuke's mouth fell open. Sakura began to turn purple. NOT GOOD.

"I'm trying, your royal pissyness, and anyway, I don't see either of you," she kicked Sasuke and pinched the sand-boy's arm, hearing a yelp from the both of them, "doing anything either!"

"Ow...Sakura, that hurt! Why'd you do that?"

"Shut it, Sasuke."

* * *

Sasuke had gone back to sleep, grumbling about how Sakura could've cracked a rib, whiled Sakura glowered and brooded in the corner. Gaara, however, was searching his pockets and shoes, apparently searching for something.

"Why are fidgeting so much?!"

"I know I have it here some...GOT IT!!!"

The Kazekage then reached from his breast pocket a hairpin. Sakura stared for a minute, flabbergasted.

"Why the hell do you have a hairpin in your pocket?!"

"I keep one in case something like the Akatsuki incident happens again."

He then kneeled down and used his teeth to bend it into a new shape, and with expert ease, he jammed it into the lock and began to jiggle it back and forth, working it until it was all the way in the mechanism. Sakura's eyes brightened as she figured out what he was trying to do.

"You're going to pick the lock? That's genius! How'd you learn to do that?"

He began to work the pin up and down, making sure to keep it in constant motion, and he turned to face her as he jiggled the doorknob. "In my family, it's considered a good skill to have. I haven't carried a house key for years."

Then, in a cruel, sick, and horrifying twist of fate, the pin broke.

* * *

"NOOO!"

Naruto and Tsunade looked up, noodles dangling from Naruto's mouth.

"Did you hear that?" asked Tsunade.

"It sounded like a redhead and a pink-haired kunoichi was trying to pick a lock with a hairpin and the pin broke."

The duo looked at one another.

"Naaaah..."

* * *

Well, here it is! ALL HAIL THE ALMIGHTY UPDATE!!! I have good news, too: I have done it again! I converted one of my friends into a Narutard! GO ME! So yeah, needless to say, I'm ten kinds of happy at the moment. You know what'd make me happier? Some reviews! So do it! DO IT NOW!!! 


	4. Meow

Question: Does anyone out there know of a good translation site for Japanese words, not symbols? Let me know if you do...

lol, anyways, me and **AnimeSnowflake** are working on a collab project, and we're doing good so far. I think we should have it up in a week or so.

Disclaimer: I own a Kazekage Gaara costume that I wore to a con in Houston...

* * *

It was no use. The two oddly-colored hair owners slumped against the wall and as Gaara began to sink into despair, Sakura sobbed audibly. 

"We're never going to get out of here! We'll end up having to eat one another to survive!!! If only Sasuke weren't so skinny..."

Gaara looked at the kunoichi like she was mad. "Were you just considering we revert to canniballism? ARE YOU MAD, WOMAN?!"

"It's the only way! We must kill off the weakest link in order to survive! Gaara, I'll take this kunai and I'll kill Sasuke, and then we won't die..."

Gaara started to shake her violently. "WE ARE NOT KILLING UCHIHA! WE NEED TO KEEP IT TOGETHER!!"

He then smacked her. Her mind didn't register for a minute, then she became pissed.

"DID YOU JUST..."

"Shut it. If we kill him, then who in the name of god will you have left to vent at while we're here? I'm sure as hell not going to let you vent on me."

She calmed down, and looked at him. "You're right. The only way we're getting out is if we cooperate."

Gaara and Sakura sat down once again.

"Let's get started, then."

* * *

"Okay, since we have no other options left..." 

Sasuke had woken up, and the three weirdos started to plan their grand escape. As Gaara began the planning process, the others listened in.

"We're going to have to sit here for a while and stew on it. It'll take a while, but we'll get it eventually."

Sasuke yawned, and hummed "Crawling" until he fell back asleep. Sakura looked over at Gaara.

"Hey, have you heared Sasuke sing?"

"Pfft..yeah, it calls to mind a dying cat."

"A cat? Why the feck would you say a cat?"

"Well, have you ever noticed that 'meow' a cat makes?"

"Yeah..."

"A dying cat would be all like, 'Meaaaaaooack!'"

Dot dot dot...

"That was disturbing, don't ever do that again."

"Meow."

"Gaara..."

"Meeeooow..."

"GAARA..."

"MEEEOOOWWW!!!"

"GAARA!"

"Arf."

"I hate you..."

"Heh, that wasn't what you said last night..."

"DIE..."

* * *

Naruto and Tsunade were now half-asleep at her desk, waiting out the next four hours till they let out the three shinobi from the closet.

"Tsunade..."

"Yes?"

"I'm hungry."

THUD.

* * *

Review? 


	5. Small Talk

Here we go! SHANNARO! Fifth chapter to read, you lovely reviewers!! BTW...read The Devil's Child and Konoha and Suna Theatre Troupe 7 for me? I need more hits for those...

Disclaimer: I wish...

* * *

Sasuke started as he heard the crash that signalled the start of Sakura's rage. He shook his head to clear his vision and watched the hotheaded kunoichi aimed a blow to the top of a certain Kazekage's head. 

"OW! THE HELL, WOMAN!?!"

"THAT'S FOR SAYING THAT! I TOLD YOU NEVER TO SPEAK OF IT AGAIN!!!"

Sasuke was now confused. _What the heck is going on here?_

"So what should we do?"

The duo stopped and stared at Sasuke, looking like they'd forgotten the the Uchiha was even there.

"When did you wake up?!" they shouted in unison.

Sasuke blinked. _They did forget about me..._

"I woke up about three seconds ago..."

The three sighed deeply, and sat down. It was dark, and Sakura almost ended up sitting on her own kunai. She shifted, and then ended up sitting on Gaara and Sasuke.

"GET OFF!!!"

"Sorry, Sasuke..."

Gaara straightened his jacket, and settled down next to Sasuke. Sakura was on Sasuke's other side, and she stretched before hunching over.

"What time is it?"

"About six, if my counting isn't off..."

"Wow...we really need to get out..."

* * *

_Hours later..._

"I'm booorred..."

"We heard you the first fifty-six billion times..." stated Gaara sarcastically.

"Well, it's not my fault you people are a couple of wet blankets...you're stuck in a closet with a girl, and you can only focus on getting out?! You really need a girlfriend, oh Kazekage of few hormones..." Sakura shot back.

"Hey! I have plenty of opportunities! I'm too busy for a girlfriend, that's all..."

"I have too many stalkers to have a girlfriend...she'd be killed within three seconds..."

"No one asked you, Sasuke..."

* * *

"Gaara?"

"Yeah?"

Sakura had _that_ tone in her voice...she had officially gone crazy and slipped into Seduction-mode...

"I want you to ravish me and allow me to have your babies..."

Gaara jumped back into a corner, screaming "THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM, WOMAN?!"

Sakura suddenly burst out laughing. "I'm so kidding! God, you really need to lighten up..."

Gaara blushed. Hard. Good thing it was dark in there...

"That's not the point! The point is that your crazy!"

"You are too!"

"Am not."

"Are so."

"Not."

"Are."

"SHUT UP!" shouted an agitated Sasuke.

* * *

Tsunade was nodding off. Again. Yawning, she asked Naruto the same question she'd been asking for hours.

"Can we let them out now?"

"No."

A few seconds...

"How about now?"

"SHUT UP!"

* * *

I'm incredibly sorry for not uploading in forever! I'll try harder, I promise!

REVIEW! SHANNARO!


	6. Child's Play

Wows! 99 reviews! I love you guys!

Disclaimer: Yeah right!!!

* * *

"I'm so bored..." said Sakura, leaning back and sighing. Gaara just shook his head. 

"Why don't we do something...like, I don't know, TRY AND GET OUT OF HERE?!"

Sasuke looked at the former demon vessel like he had antlers sprouting out of his forehead. "We tried that, remember? It didn't work..."

"Well, if someone locked us in, they might get us out, right?"

"Okay, then," said Sakura brightly. "They'll let us out soon...now we play the Waiting Game."

Sakura sat there with an optimistic smile on her face. Gaara began picking dirt out from under his fingernails with a kunai. Sasuke found the string he was playing with in Chapter 3 and started wrapping it around his finger again. Suddenly Sakura sat up.

"Ahh, the Waiting Game sucks..." she looked at the other two and brightly asked, "Who wants to play Hungry Hungry Hippos?"

* * *

"I win!" 

Gaara threw up his arms in joy as the other two groaned.

"Question: Why do you always win strip poker?!"

"Does it matter? Sakura, you lost horribly, lose the shirt..."

Sakura groaned, and unzipped her shirt, exposing a white bra. Sasuke stared.

"I think we need to play a new game," he said, pinching his nose as blood dripped out of it.

* * *

"Okay...Sakura Says stand on one foot!" 

Gaara and Sasuke were ballanced precasriously on one foot, fingers attatched to their nose and looking towards Sakura cross-eyed.

"Stop crossing your eyes."

Sasuke stopped crossing his eyes. Gaara smirked in triumph.

"HA! Sakura didn't Say," proclaimed Sakura loudly.

* * *

"Right hand blue!"

Sakura was in a tough spot. Gaara was hanging spread eagle above her, and Sasuke was spinning the spinner. Her leg was aching, and her hand was poised over his. She twitched, and tried to reach for the same blue spot as Gaara.

"WAAAAH!" Gaara and Sakura fell in a mass of tangled limbs. Sasuke just sighed.

"And you people call yourself shinobi..."

* * *

"Five...six...seven...eight!" 

Gaara moved his red piece and landed on Ocean Avenue. Sakura grinned.

"You owe me ten thousand ryo, Gaara-kun!"

* * *

"Damn...do we let them out NOW!?"

"NO!"

* * *

And so there you have the newest chappie! So sorry for not updating with a big chappie like I normally do, but I haven't had much time lately...Review! SHANNARO!


	7. Coming Out of the Closet

Wow...118 reviews...This story has tied with The Masque of Red Death...this is officially the last chapter! i want you to remember that!

Disclaimer: Come on! Do I have to say it?

* * *

"Sakura, I have a plan."

This statement came with such finality that Sakura almost didn't notice Gaara said it. Luckily for her, Sasuke jumped up in joy.

"How?! Tell me! I want to live again!!"

Sakura hit the now-hyperactive brunette over the head. "Shut up! Gaara, what are you talking about?"

He rubbed his hands together, and grinned. "All I need is your kunai, and Sasuke, don't you dare lie and say you don't have any hair gel."

* * *

Tsunade yawned, and stretched. It was about one in the morning, and she looked over at Naruto, who was wide awake. 

"Did you hear something?"

* * *

Gaara had snatched the gel from Sasuke, and wrestled Sakura's kunai away from her. Slathering gel over the doorknob, he used the kunai to unscrew the knob. 

"Come on, Gaara! That gel was expensive! Give it back!"

Gaara turned to face the whiny Uchiha. "Sasuke, do you want out of here, or do you want your gel?"

Sasuke thought for a minute, then shrugged. Gaara sighed and went back to work.

* * *

"What's that noise?" 

"Tsunade, I don't hear anything..."

"I do! It's a rattling noise!"

"Rats?"

"No, it sounds like..."

* * *

Gaara was almost through. Sakura clutched the fabric of his shirt in anticipation. Sasuke was staring over his shoulder eagerly. The Godaime Kazekage was concentrating a lot, sweat beading his brow. Then, with a little squeak, the last screw fell out. The three shinobi watched with bated breath as Gaara pried the cover from the mechanism, slathered some more gel on the locking mechanism, and attacked it with the kunai again.

* * *

"I hear it now!" Naruto rose to his feet swiftly, and the Godaime Hokage and the jinchuuriki cowered in the corner. 

"Oh crap...they aren't..."

* * *

The three were in a state of shock. Gaara had the kunai caught in the mechanism, and they couldn't believe it when the lock clicked and the door opened.

* * *

The duo in the corner watched the door creak open, three shinobi looking into the flourescent lights in shock. It was quiet for all of three seconds, when... 

"WE'RE OUT!!"

Sakura, Sasuke, and Gaara cried out in joy. Sasuke jumped up and down, tears streaming down his face. Sakura was screaming and sobbing, "We're out! We're finally out!" Gaara was still stunned. Sakura suddenly enveloped the Suna-nin in a hug, and he began to shout along with Sakura and Sasuke. The three clung to one another, and before she even realized it, she kissed Gaara full on the lips. The two realized what happened, and pulled away, blushing furiously.

The trio suddenly realized the two blondes in the corner. Gaara grabbed his gourd off the floor, and strapped it on. The duo in the corner's eyes grew wide in fear. Sand began to trail off the sand-user's arms. Sakura cracked her knuckles ominously. Sasuke flicked out his sword, grinning in anticipation.

"Oh, I've been wanting to do this for a long time," Gaara said, a sadistic smirk on his lips. Tsunade realized what was going on first, looked around wildly, then threw Naruto at the three advancing shinobi.

"He did it!"

With that, Tsunade ran out of the room. Naruto looked at her in disgust. "Oh yeah, thanks for leaving me here, Baa-chan!"

He turned his attention back to the homicidal shinobi, and gulped.

"Oh snap..."

* * *

This is the end of Coming Out of the Closet.

I honestly want to thank all my reviewers for their adoration, and the time you devoted to reading and reviewing. You made this my first story to reach this many reviews, and for that, I want to tell you all that as a special gift to you all, I promise there will be a Coming Out of the Closet 2: Konoha Gone Crazy!

Review! Sayonara!


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